The Asking Game


Asking is a skill which also makes it a game. It's a cooperative game between the asker and the askee and I'm going to describe a few examples I was in close proximity to recently in order to see what this game involves:

The group asked for the delicious off-menu dessert and they got it. They had an advantage in that there was only upside. Since they weren't attached to getting the dessert, their circumstances would either stay as they were or they would get better. So an acceptance of any possible outcome is good for the asker.

The family asked for another room farther from the loud nighttime area for the sake of their baby's sleep, and they got it. A shared interest in the family getting good sleep during their stay meant that the asker and the askee both wanted the same outcome. So an alignment of desires between the asker and the askee is good for the asker.

The group asked to swim in the ocean, but the lifeguard forbade it. The group then walked beyond the lifeguard's jurisdiction and swam. The ocean was functionally the same in either location, and the walk was enjoyable, therefore there was no cost involved to nullify the effect of the lifeguard's refusal. So an awareness of how to get what the asker wants without having to ask for it is good for the asker.


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