The Asking Game


Asking is a skill which also makes it a game. It's a cooperative game between the asker and the askee and I'm going to describe a few examples I was in close proximity to recently in order to see what this game involves:

The group asked for the delicious off-menu dessert and they got it. They had an advantage in that there was only upside. Since they weren't attached to getting the dessert, their circumstances would either stay as they were or they would get better. So an acceptance of any possible outcome is good for the asker.

The family asked for another room farther from the loud nighttime area for the sake of their baby's sleep, and they got it. A shared interest in the family getting good sleep during their stay meant that the asker and the askee both wanted the same outcome. So an alignment of desires between the asker and the askee is good for the asker.

The group asked to swim in the ocean, but the lifeguard forbade it. The group then walked beyond the lifeguard's jurisdiction and swam. The ocean was functionally the same in either location, and the walk was enjoyable, therefore there was no cost involved to nullify the effect of the lifeguard's refusal. So an awareness of how to get what the asker wants without having to ask for it is good for the asker.


Website | Twitter | Instagram | YouTube

@strangestloop

Read more from @strangestloop

I stand alone on the balcony overlooking the backyard, leaning against the railing, thinking of nothing in particular. The door creaks open. "It's tiiiiiiime," my friend tells me. I walk inside towards the room where a dozen people await my arrival. Murmurs and declarations of "yes" greet me as I breach the circle. I stand at the center and am rewarded with louder yeses. I move towards someone, then someone else. Silence. Back to the center. "Yes," affirms the chorus. Okay, here. I hold my...

Hello! In the throes of a lower mood I try to remember how much I have to be grateful for, how much I have in my life that is worth celebrating. Today's newsletter is me doing that! It's remarkable how simple and effective this practice is at shifting my mood from gloom to bloom. Here is my gratitude list: Receiving appreciation for The RAMP Mindset and the dots method on a video call. Running into some new connections at a friend's birthday party. Hearing Nine In The Afternoon on the radio...

In any situation you can take a moment to notice whether you could enjoy it more - maybe a lot more or maybe a little more - and then take action to raise your enjoyment. Turning the act of noticing into a habit yields huge gains for lifetime enjoyment. This has been the message for me lately and so it is my solemn duty to pass the message on to you. Some examples: During a conversation someone asked me out of 10 how comfortable I was in my seat and I said 7. Once I was aware of this it was...