A Stronger Sense of Self
|
The question I want to explore here is: How can I analyze my inner and outer circumstances in a way that benefits the reader? That is the north star. I noticed that I didn't feel particularly good after my Sacred Eros page went live a few days ago. Why not? I'm doing an expansive thing! I'm putting myself out there! I'm following my intuition! This is good! The reason is that I have a lot of resistance around marketing myself, around letting myself be seen. This has been true for Masculine Witness, a similar offering of mine which has not had any clients, and less-true-but-still-true for my career situation seeking work as a frontend software developer. Why? I have been at times sensitive to the public nature of the internet. I was attacked for posting things I thought were fine at the time, and I let those attacks hurt me emotionally. So the growth path for me is to let go, really let go of how the things I share are received, and let go of a lack of interest. I can develop a stronger sense of self that does not waver in the wake of strong criticism. I am not defined by how other people see me, my ideas, and my offerings. I don't need anyone else's approval. Takeaways for me: Post my stuff more often, post about Masculine Witness, post about Find Your Breakthrough, keep career posting. Talk about myself in ways that feel good to me. Be patient and act deliberately. A timely chat with a friend also reminded me that we attract what we are. As long as I continue to practice courage, generosity, and openness, I am taking care of myself. My feelings around marketing are also top of mind for me because they exist in such stark contrast to how I've felt about myself while doing 75 Hard. I feel great, I look great, I've effortlessly dropped a noticeable amount of my bodyweight (great) while eating delicious high protein meals and snacking. I look forward to a time when my career has similar clarity. One hidden lesson of 75 Hard revealed itself to me when I failed it. On day 54 I overate by about 100 calories, game over. But so what? I didn't feel bad about it at all after I triple-checked the math. I don't care about whether or not I did various things 75 days in a row. My body is still thriving. My mind is still grateful for all of the books I've been reading. I am finishing out the 75 days through mid-November even though I don't get to tell people I did it successfully, because it feels good to take care of myself. The ease with which I've 75 Harded contrasted with my career uncertainty makes me think about the nature of obstacles. When an obstacle arises, sometimes the move is to stick with it and keep going, and sometimes the move is to reroute to an easier path. Discernment, awareness, intuition. I want to notice contraction and fear in any area of my life as soon as it arises and take intelligent actions to address it. I want to grow in service of the intersection of what I have to offer and what other people want. I want to cause effects in my life and not merely respond to external circumstances. I want to live gloriously. Things I made:
Thank you for reading! You can share this post with this link. If you want to support my work, the most effective action you can take is to connect me with opportunities for work as a frontend software developer. Reply to this email and I will send you a blurb about myself that you can forward to a relevant person in your network. I am grateful for your support. |
@strangestloop
I was planning to write an analogous story about a kid who goes to summer camp but it doesn't feel right to drop breadcrumbs. Your attention is precious and I care too much about what I'm doing to be cute about it so I'm going to feed you the damn sandwich. My love of connecting with people is the seed that grew the roots of my coaching offering which sprouted Masculine Witness which has blossomed into what I am learning and practicing and offering now. I have attended two in-person trainings...
I am an addict. At the festival a priestess asked us to write our sins on a slip of paper, fold it up and place it in a spherical glass bowl. I wrote: I habitually overeat and undersleep and overscroll. I don't want you to know these things about me for various egoic reasons, but allowing myself to be seen and known has been wonderful medicine for me lately, so now you know. An addiction means that someone knows that the thing is harmful, but they do the thing anyway. I know. I know as I do...
On a recent neighborhood walk I noticed and appreciated what I looked at as though it were an art gallery and that got me thinking about how I can appreciate the details in my awareness in all moments and that got me thinking about the importance of paying attention to what I pay attention to. I continue to pull on the red Kabbalah string and its lessons continue to be comforting and clarifying and inspiring. There is an emphasis on noticing the tendency to unconsciously react and instead...