I stand alone on the balcony overlooking the backyard, leaning against the railing, thinking of nothing in particular. The door creaks open. "It's tiiiiiiime," my friend tells me. I walk inside towards the room where a dozen people await my arrival. Murmurs and declarations of "yes" greet me as I breach the circle. I stand at the center and am rewarded with louder yeses. I move towards someone, then someone else. Silence. Back to the center. "Yes," affirms the chorus. Okay, here. I hold my...
13 days ago • 2 min read
Hello! In the throes of a lower mood I try to remember how much I have to be grateful for, how much I have in my life that is worth celebrating. Today's newsletter is me doing that! It's remarkable how simple and effective this practice is at shifting my mood from gloom to bloom. Here is my gratitude list: Receiving appreciation for The RAMP Mindset and the dots method on a video call. Running into some new connections at a friend's birthday party. Hearing Nine In The Afternoon on the radio...
23 days ago • 1 min read
In any situation you can take a moment to notice whether you could enjoy it more - maybe a lot more or maybe a little more - and then take action to raise your enjoyment. Turning the act of noticing into a habit yields huge gains for lifetime enjoyment. This has been the message for me lately and so it is my solemn duty to pass the message on to you. Some examples: During a conversation someone asked me out of 10 how comfortable I was in my seat and I said 7. Once I was aware of this it was...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
"Get back here!" I find myself shouting at my focus at times, but that's just a story. The internal tug-of-war isn't real. I could stop giving my attention to the distraction at any time, but I instead let the avoidance process run its course, and then I am resourced to do the task. Let me just run eight miles first, thinking intermittently about the message I want to send, and then I will feel resourced to send it and possibly receive a response that is not to my liking. I am practicing...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Asking is a skill which also makes it a game. It's a cooperative game between the asker and the askee and I'm going to describe a few examples I was in close proximity to recently in order to see what this game involves: The group asked for the delicious off-menu dessert and they got it. They had an advantage in that there was only upside. Since they weren't attached to getting the dessert, their circumstances would either stay as they were or they would get better. So an acceptance of any...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
I have no words on this newsletter day, instead there's a pleasant combination of body relaxation and mental emptiness. As a frequent thinker this quiet in my head feels wonderful. I have been practicing boredom and gratitude and being with things as they are rather than wishing they were different. When negativity arrives I get to be with it, and then when I arrive at emotional neutrality I can overcome the negativity, which feels increasingly important to me. The obstacles are the point....
2 months ago • 1 min read
As I move towards the life I want, which at different moments feels like sprinting in an open field on a cool and breezy day, or arranging books on shelves one after another after another, or sighing at the sight of a tall brick wall (which might simply topple over the moment I dare to press against it), I am fascinated by the power of directing my attention. By choosing where to focus I can put myself in a state of confidence or despair or excitement. There's that saying about how you can't...
2 months ago • 1 min read
When I find myself facing a temptation lately, remembering that the opposite is the medicine soothes me. I do the difficult task and abstain from the unhealthy food and tell myself the uncomfortable truth. These things don't feel good in the moment, but responding to life's tests by doing the opposite of what my habitual lower energy pattern would have me do is my self-loving, self-helping medicine. Knowing that makes it a bit easier to stomach. It's these small victories, these little...
3 months ago • 1 min read
A few weeks ago an impromptu collaboration on Twitter led to the creation of this meme: via @christineist on Twitter I enjoy and appreciate the many self-other love and growth loops in my life, and I think there is a lot to be gained from internalizing that you get to be your own friend. It's simple but not always easy: treat yourself how you want your friends to treat you. See the good in who you are and what you do. Take good care of yourself. When you're your own friend, your friendships...
3 months ago • 1 min read